the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
