My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
