piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
