that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
