We named our party play list daddy issues
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Even my vagina gasped.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
