he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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