i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
