Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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