Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
