you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This is the high leading the old right now
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
