i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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