Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
