i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
