brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
