If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Your penis caused this!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
