how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize