I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
