the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
