Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
