32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
