So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
