ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
