too bad you live with your parents still
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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