I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
love makes seman taste better
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
