Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
