After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
