Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
