I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
