i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
