i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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