Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
