I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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