my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
