i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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