New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
