so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He better not be in your backpack
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
