i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This girl is more easily done than said...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
