u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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