A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
