I think I died a long time ago.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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