I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
