So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I have post one night stand depression
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
