just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
