How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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