Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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