yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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