How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
