it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
