hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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