Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
