sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
